NamiSopp LuffOro: The Game of Games
by jjgp1112
Summary: When the Straw Hate Pirates are faced with a particularly boring day on a long voyage to an island, they dig up an old, convoluted drinking game that just might drive them to the brink of insanity. Inspired by It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. And a dash of LuNa sprinkled on top.


**NamiSopp LuffOro: The Game of Games**

 _ **This is set a little bit before Water 7. One Piece ain't mine!**_

Nami gave a groan of utter boredom as she stood at the edge of the Merry. As Princess Vivi had once posited, Nami was more in tune with the weather and conditions than the average human. And that intuitiveness told her everything she needed to know about this day. As if the dull, grey skies that were cluttered with clouds weren't enough of an indicator, the consistently moderate winds confirmed her fears. This day was going to be the definition of boredom – not too hot, not too cold, no sun out so she could tan her perfect skin, and no storm for her to test her navigational skills and get the rest of the crew to pitch in. It was weather purgatory, and the gloominess was putting a damper on the entire Straw Hat crew.

She turned around to check out what the rest of her friends were doing. Luffy was lying down against the ship a few feet away from her, his head slumped in one hand while his other restlessly tapped the ship's wooden surface. He looked like he was on the edge of sleep, while a certain green-haired swordsman had fallen over it entirely as he rested on top of the cabin. Sanji and Chopper were inside tending to their usual respective duties while Robin sat in her beach chair with a smile on her face, humoring whatever silly tale Usopp was trying to tell her.

Nami sighed again. They weren't close to any other islands, so she was going to have to think of _some_ solution to her boredom, preferably not of the Luffy variety that would just put her knee-deep in danger. The Straw Hat-donned captain soon interrupted her thoughts.

"I'm booooorrrred," he pouted, slowly rising to his feet.

"You can say that again," Nami muttered, for once sharing her captain's restlessness. Luffy surveyed the area just as she did, and with a look of resigned frustration in his eyes, he came to the same conclusion as well. Nami slouched against the edge of the ship, disappointed. If Luffy couldn't even think of something wacky to solve the monotony epidemic, they really were screwed.

But wait! A light bulb flickered off in Nami's head as she looked at Luffy. This wasn't the first time they ran into a dull day, after all, and she just remembered their fallback plan if all else failed. Her lips curled into a devilish smirk as she strutted over to Luffy.

"Hey Luffy…" her low, mischievous voice called. "I think I know what we can do to fix this."

Luffy arched his eyebrow in confusion until realization hit him. He recognized that look on Nami's face all too well and returned it with a grin of his own, one that was far more devious than typical of him. "Oh, _that_ , huh?"

Nami's smirk turned downright evil as a fire burned in her eyes. "Oh, yes. You thinking what I'm thinking…?"

Luffy wildly swung his fists into his air with his usual grin and shouted…

"NAMISOPP LUFFORO!"

The shrill, excited screech zapped Zoro out from his sleep. He immediately realized what Luffy had yelled, and a pang of dread came over him.

"Oh, fuck."

Usopp was in the middle of telling Robin the story of the time he and his immense crew conquered the strawberry-pooping Sea Dragon, when the words uttered by Luffy traveled to his brain and left him frozen in terror, eliciting a shriek. The bugged out eyes and stammering mouth got a few giggles from Robin.

Usopp slowly creaked his head to the smirking captain and navigator and whined, "Oh, n-no! Oh crap!"

"We already made up our minds so there's no turning back at this point." Nami couldn't stop laughing. Zoro rolled his eyes, regretting ever humoring that game in the first place. But then again, it had been an utterly monotonous day, and he _was_ still furious about the last occasion of this dark idea that Luffy and Nami presented.

With a shrug, Zoro hopped down to the floor and tossed his swords to the side. He _was_ pretty parched, after all. "Yeah, sure; whatever."

"Awesome!" Luffy beamed while Nami headed inside. Luffy marched around and cheered "NamiSopp LuffOro!" nonstop.

"Ugh, I guess we have no choice at this point…!" Usopp murmured. He soon joined Zoro and Luffy. Robin giggled and put her book down, intrigued by whatever had the rest of the Straw Hats so hot and bothered.

"So, Long Nose, what is this 'NamiSopp LuffOro' business?" she inquired.

"Robin, you haven't even seen despair until you've witnessed this," Usopp replied. Robin tilted her head, sure that whatever it was probably didn't warrant gravity that Usopp was lending towards it.

Nami made her way back outside with a board in one hand and four weird figures in the other. She was followed by Chopper and an irritated Sanji. "What's this gibberish that Luffy's been shouting for the last five minutes? I'm trying to prepare dinner, here!" Sanji growled.

"It's rather simple," Nami answered in Luffy's place as she pulled legs out from under the board to stand it up against the floor. "NamiSopp LuffOro, the Game of Games!"

"This is gonna tear us apart!" Usopp whimpered. Zoro cracked his knuckles and set his vengeful eyes on Luffy and Nami.

"Um…what?" Sanji asked. Had his precious Nami-swan not been the person saying it, he probably would've had a more profane reaction, but he was confused nonetheless.

"Really, a game?!" Chopper shouted, sparkles forming in his eyes.

"Trust me, this is nothing to be excited ab-"

"Oh, shut up, Usopp," Zorro interrupted. He was behaving like his typical annoyed self, but there was a hint of uneasiness trembling in his voice.

Nami shrugged in acknowledgement of the silliness, but that didn't quell her excitement. "It's a game that the four of us came up with on a day not too different from this. It was right after we took down Kuro from Usopp's village and were sailing to Baratie. Zoro was such a big, dumb sore loser - " a growl emerged from the swordsman " – that he slashed our cards up and – "

"Not my fault you're a dirty cheater," Zoro mumbled.

"If you would _just_ let me finish," Nami scolded, the threat in her voice clear.

Sanji jumped at the opportunity to egg Zoro on. "Don't worry, dear Nami, I won't have mosshead sully your name because he's too dumb to play a simple card game." Zoro squared his shoulders for battle and was only deterred by Nami's stern clearing of her throat.

" _As I was saying_ , we needed some activity that didn't involve Luffy diving in the ocean and almost drowning, so we came up with this game!"

"We couldn't think of a title so I just mashed everyone's names together," Luffy boasted with his trademark grin, as if it was something to be proud of.

"Okay, you guys have lost me a bit," Sanji said. He pointed at his long-nosed cohort and continued, "Why does a simple game have Usopp here about to soil himself?"

Usopp wiped a gallon of sweat off his forehead while his eyes kept bulging out of his head. "You don't get it, Sanji! It's not just a game….it's a WAR!"

As if vindicating Usopp's dreaded declaration, Nami and Luffy lowered their heads, allowing their bangs to obscure their eyes enough that all that could be seen on their faces were their grins. The sounds of their throaty chuckles made them look like a sinister pair of demons preparing to commit unspeakable atrocities. Zoro stirred uncomfortably; in the grand scheme of things, this was a ludicrously stupid game, but what he feared was the duo of Luffy and Nami. Whatever it was about this game, teaming up for it seemed to cause their absolute worst traits to rub off on each other. Luffy became a little more nasty and mean-spirited, Nami was a little more chaotic and unhinged. A lethal combination if there ever was one!

"A war that Usopp and Zoro…" Luffy began, his laughter rising.

Nami lifted her head up, showing her demonic eyes to the rest of the crew. It was enough to make Usopp feel like an apple got lodged in his throat while Sanji nearly fainted from how _deliciously_ evil Nami looked. There was nothing that set him off more than a devious woman! Nami completed Luffy's statement – "…ABSOLUTELY SUCK AT!"

* * *

Nami and Luffy laughed like supervillains while Chopper stared at them blankly. To say he was thoroughly confused would be an understatement. Robin laughed, assuming this was simply a strange, amusing inside joke. Usopp hung his head in shame while a vein throbbed in Zoro's temple.

Nami pointed at the sheet of paper being held up by a stand. It had "NamiSopp LuffOro" written on it. "The rules of this game are simple…."

"Y'see, it's a race to the finish from level one to three," Nami explained. She flipped to the next sheet on the board, which had the rules written out. Luffy stood next to her holding a board with three encircled numbers on it, identical to the one drawn on the sheet of paper.

"It starts at Level One: Mind!"

"You need intelligence for this level, cuz it's all trivia, puzzles, and artistry," Nami continued. She glanced at her less-than-intelligent partner, but was unconcerned since they could leave that stuff up to her. "And that brings us to the other key factor of this game: alcohol."

That enough to get a smile out of Zoro, who was already eyeing the bottles that were sitting on the tables.

"At Level One, the alcohol level is wine!" Nami explained.

"Whoa whoa whoa, we drink while we play?" Sanji asked.

"Duh, drinking's the whole point of the game!" Luffy answered as if it should've been obvious. He wasn't really a drinker but it made this game a helluva lot more fun. Sanji could have done without the patronizing tone, but it was an acceptable answer.

"I'm sure as hell not playing a stupid ass game like this unless I'm getting wasted," Zoro said through a yawn. Usopp's constant shudders made Zoro's eye twitch, so he harshly slapped him on the shoulder. "Cut that out already!"

"And then there's Level Two: Body," Nami explained. She looked at Luffy once again, as this was _his_ specialty.

"Body, you say?" Sanji's eyes suddenly turned into hearts as he leered at the beautiful archaeologist and navigator. "Well you two have that level in the bag!"

"Well thanks, but it's not a beauty contest," Nami replied. "We're talking physical challenges here. Pain, endurance, that type of stuff. And it's the beer level."

"Hey, now that we have a doctor on board we can go all out for this one!" Luffy happily exclaimed in anticipation of what physical challenges awaited.

Chopper's jaw sank in fear as his mind raced through all of the possible scenarios for that challenge. _J-just what kind of game is this?!,_ he thought to himself.

"Finally, we have Level Three: Spirit. Public humiliation and stuff like that," Luffy said. His feet were shaking because he was so excited to play.

"Public humiliation?!" Chopper shouted in fear. "B-but, that's cruel…!"

Zoro shrugged reassuringly at the reindeer doctor. "It's not like it's anything major; just goofy stuff like truth or dare or wearin' dresses to test our embarrassment levels. And besides, we're all completely shitfaced by that point, anyway."

" _And_ , it's the hard alcohol level," Nami added. She was nearly cut off by the sound of a loud banging noise. Everyone turned to the game board, which Luffy was kneeling towards with a hammer in his hand. He was violently nailing the table's legs to the ground. "Oh yeah, that's important, too!"

"What for, Navigator?" asked Robin.

"We've gotta nail the table down as hard as we can," Nami replied, directing her evil grin to Zoro. "At some point, Zoro's gonna get pissed off because him and Usopp are getting rammed in the ass and try to flip the table over."

"And I _will_ forget later on!" Zoro proudly declared.

Usopp finally regained his nerves to explain the last part of the rules. He raised his arm to show off his watch. "Most importantly, there's a 15-minute time limit."

"Fifteen minutes? That's not nearly enough for a game like this," Sanji remarked.

"Nah, that's nothing," Luffy said. "There's a lot of pauses – half-time, post-level breaks, two-minute warnings…"

"…and _lots_ of injury stoppages!" Nami happily added, turning her attention to Chopper. Chopper wasn't quite as enthused. In fact, Luffy and Nami's creepy smiles throughout this entire explanation had him hiding behind Zoro at various points.

"Each team has to collect a certain amount of cards to progress to the next level. The first team to complete all three levels wins the game!" Nami folded her arms and winked. "The winner gets an awesome prize, too!"

"What is it?" Sanji asked, his voice springing up several octaves. He was hoping her smile suggested that the ultimate prize was a date with her.

"Winner smashes up the losers' game pieces!" Luffy proclaimed. Sanji sank in disappointment.

"That's really it?" Robin asked. Even she was a little confused by that point. Seemed like a silly reward for a game with this much work put into it.

Nami got that creepy look again while Luffy snickered behind her. "Oh, it is _so_ gratifying. Not as much as winning a lot of Berries of course, but it's close!" Luffy handed Nami two dolls; one was a lean, muscular boy, while the other was a buxom redhead. Pictures of Luffy and Nami's faces were drawn over them. "Here are me and Luffy's pieces. Pretty and pristine, right?" Luffy's snickering rose as he retrieved the other two figures. "And these…"

Nami grabbed the other two pieces and showed them to the rest of the crew. "…Are Zoro and Usopps!" They were two ninjas, and to say they were in bad condition would be an understatement. The figures were utterly mangled, with body parts dangling by their screws and various marks and stains tainting their appearance.

"As you can probably figure out by their conditions…Zoro and Usopp have never won a single game! Crazy isn't it? It's almost impossible to play as often as we have and not win once!"

Usopp was on the verge of tears while Zoro was shooting Nami a look that could probably kill even without Conqueror's Haki. Sanji looked at the beleaguered duo and laughed at their misfortunes.

"Not once?! I bet with ol' Mosshead on your team you got stumped at the 'Mind' stage!" Sanji taunted. Zoro's eyes were almost pure white when he scowled at Sanji.

"How 'bout I bash your brains up so you can join the club, Love-Cook?!"

"Sounds like Sanji wants to join in, too," Nami suggested while Luffy cackled at the cook and the swordsman's ensuing duel.

Sanji immediately forgot his battle with Zoro and leapt towards Nami, his hands clasped together and his eyes aflutter with love. "Why I would love to join your team and humiliate sword-for-brains, Nami-swan!"

Nami winced at Sanji's perverted leering of her and turned to the elder woman of the crew. "You wanna join in too, Robin?"

"Sure, why not?" It was pretty silly, but she supposed it wasn't going to be the worst time-killer in the world.

"WE PICK ROBIN!" Luffy immediately shouted with his fists raised. His mind was made up and there was no budging!

"What are you talking about; I want to be on Nami's team! I don't wanna be stuck with these idiots!" Sanji growled, pointing at Zoro and Usopp with no regard for their presence. The two were prepared to annihilate him for his disrespect.

Nami shook her head and gave the cook a phony sympathetic smile. "Sorry, but all draft picks are final!"

Sanji slumped his shoulders and lumbered over to the side of Zoro and Usopp, conceding that he was fine stepping aside if it meant his dear Robin could participate in his place.

"So it's set! The Tangerine Gang, 7-0 vs. The Mossy Knoll, 0-7!" Nami declared. Chopper showed up with a first-aid kit in hand and a look of determination.

"And I will keep medical watch!"

The tension in the air would've been sliced clean in half by one of Zoro's flashes as the two opposing teams stared each other down, their glares fierce with competitive fire as if they were preparing for a battle to the death instead of an overly elaborate game to alleviate a dull day.

Nami broke the silence. "And in the spirit of tradition, we shall begin with the ritual of sportsmanship and camaraderie!"

* * *

 **Pre-Game Wine & Cheese Reception**

The six competitors were all holding glasses of wine and standing across from each other. The four namesakes of the game exchanged toasts, wishing each other good luck in ludicrously aristocratic accents.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Sanji asked, mystified by the entire exchange.

"It's part of the process, Sanji. It creates the illusion of respect for your opponent," Nami replied before narrowing her eyes, "Because this is about to get _really_ ugly."

Robin found the absurdity of the game highly entertaining and played along, exchanging a toast with Sanji. And of course, Sanji melted with joy at the mere gesture with Robin, almost fainting before the game even went underway!

"And once the game begins, no questions allowed," Luffy said.

"Yup, that's right. If you have a question…" Usopp added, going to the table and grabbing a binder that was entirely too big and stuffed with pages for this, "…look it up in the book of rules."

Sanji's eyebrow was so arched the curl nearly undid itself. "I guess…I…understand…?"

"Not even the half of it," Nami said, her voice low. She leaned forward to look at Usopp's watch. "Nice, ten seconds!"

Luffy raised his glass one last time. "GENTLEMAN…!

"…Kiss my ass!"

They all drank their wine, and then Luffy, Nami, Usopp, and Zoro smashed their glasses to the ground and engaged in bizarre, tribal dances, shouting their lungs out and yelling various unintelligible phrases and obscenities. Well, Zoro wasn't really yelling as much as he was making scary faces, but it was close enough. Chopper was terrified and hid behind the table, while even Robin looked at the display with wide eyes. Sanji burst out with laughter at how absurd this game made the four behave.

"What the hell are you idiots doing?"

Luffy and Nami immediately stopped the war dances and aggressively pointed at Sanji, Luffy yelling "THAT WAS A QUESTION!" Usopp and Zoro indignantly stomped their feet and fixed Sanji with murderous glares.

"Gah, you stupid cook!"

Sanji dismissively waved his hand at Zoro. _Why did I even get myself into this crap in the first place?_

"You three have to drink for five seconds!" Nami ordered. The trio grabbed new wine glasses and reluctantly took a sip. Luffy was already getting too hyped up in the game, laughing at the opposition's setbacks. Zoro mumbled something about stupid curly eyebrows while Usopp moaned about his "I can't play the Game of Games" disease.

* * *

 **Level 1 (Mind)**

The six were sitting at a makeshift table outside. Nami picked up a blue card from a box. "Nice, it's trivia!"

"So all Luffy has to do is answer the question to get a card, and if he's wrong, you guys have a chance to steal. First to collect three cards wins," Nami explained. She turned to her partner.

"Alright…what's the absolute worst thing in the whole world?" Nami asked.

Luffy huffed at how easy that question was and confidently folded his arms over his chest. "Rusty jewels that you can't sell!"

"Correct! Nice work, Luffy!" Luffy and Nami exchanged a quick high-five, and then a tan arm sprouted from Luffy's left arm, which he swatted with his right hand. Luffy leaned forward and smiled at Robin, who was sitting on the opposite side of Nami.

"Wait, _that_ was the question? I thought this was trivia!" Sanji griped.

"We made up all of the questions, so the answers are whatever we want!" Luffy stubbornly stated with his arms folded.

"Yup, it's pretty much a memory game. Now DRINK!" Nami demanded.

Team Mossy Knoll did as ordered and drank out of their wine glasses for five seconds. It was now their turn, and Usopp reached out for a card, crossing his fingers and pleading for an artistry challenge. When he read the card, he sighed in disappointment. On top of that, his stomach nearly dropped when he skimmed over the details, prompting a glanced at a certain green-haired crewmate sitting to his right.

"A puzzle!" Usopp said. Zoro groaned while Sanji merely shrugged, not particularly seeing the big deal. That is…

"And the challenge is: find the correct path to the treasure box…"

…Until he actually heard it. Sanji could have sworn he heard the sound of a funeral bell tolling when he glanced at Zoro, who was doing quite a poor job of being inconspicuous at the moment.

Usopp reached for a pile of paper to find the pathway puzzle. It was absurdly complex, riddled with numerous pathways, certainly nothing that could be finished quickly. "Jeez, did you draw this stupid thing yourself, Nami?"

"Did you expect anything else from a navigator as skilled as myself?" Nami smugly replied, eyes closed.

Luffy made phony pouty lips at Usopp. "Aww, gonna cry cuz you can't figure out the silly puzzle?"

Sanji damn near popped a blood vessel. Under _no_ circumstances was he going to let that Straw Hat-wearing idiot patronize him! He snatched the puzzle for himself and grabbed a pen. "Yeah, we're keeping this far away from you, Zoro!"

"That may be the case, Cook, but what if you and Long Nose aren't able to get through the path? Eventually you'll have to defer to the swordsman," Robin stated with a smirk. Luffy sheepishly nodded while Nami reaffirmed Robin's statement.

Zoro furiously smashed his fist against the table. "I'm _right here_ y'know! Make me the black sheep, will you…?!" Zoro's face was nearly as red as Luffy's vest, and he snatched the puzzle right out of Sanji's hands. "I don't get lost, you guys just steer me wrong and change your plans! And I'll prove it by solving this puzzle _myself!_ "

"Ooh, schism!" Nami slyly declared. Robin chuckled while Luffy nodded. Not that he knew what 'schism' meant, but he figured it spelled disaster for the Mossy Knoll.

Sanji reached over Usopp in attempt to snatch the puzzle back. "Goddammit, Zoro, just let us -!" He was quickly cut off by a sword that was pointed mere inches from his face and the squeals of a terrified Usopp. Sanji growled at the stubborn swordsman, who flipped him off as he walked away from the table and took a seat. Zoro sat cross-legged on the floor and stared at the puzzle.

"How hopeless…." Nami said, palming her forehead in feigned pity.

A couple of minutes later, it had become evident to everyone but Zoro himself why his two partners wanted to keep him far, far away from the pathway search. He was hopelessly staring at the puzzle, his teeth grit and his eyes bloodshot. One hand was massaging his temple, while the other was holding a sword over his shoulder that was protruding precariously towards Sanji and Usopp should they try to interfere. This pathway was puzzle was the most complicated contraption he'd ever witnessed, littered with arbitrary lines blocking off seemingly simple paths. His eyes were spinning in different directions, and even the mere sliver of alcohol in his system wasn't doing him any favors.

"I bet you haven't made even a shred of progress!" Sanji whined.

"Fuck off!"

"Don't worry, Zoro, I believe in you!" Chopper cheered.

Nami couldn't help but laugh as the rest of the crew agonize over Zoro's stubborn dilemma. Better it be a puzzle than a real island, though Zoro could just cut through whatever blocked his path…and probably still get lost anyway. She giggled and pointed to an imaginary clock on her wrist. "Tick, tock, tick, tock…"

"C'mon Zoro, stop being so hard-headed and let us help you!" Usopp pleaded. Sanji was producing some friction in his leg to fire up the sufficient amount of force needed for his kick to overpower Zoro's blade.

"No!" Zoro shouted, his voice as firm as granite. "If I can't solve a simple children's puzzle by myself, then I won't do it at all!"

"But it's just a gaaaaame!" Usopp whined.

Sanji glared down at the sniper. "You were just acting like this was life or death a minute ago!"

"I've made up my mind: I quit!" Zoro declared, tossing the paper over his shoulder. Usopp quickly scrambled to grab it.

"We've still got time! Hey Sanji, hur-"

"Ah ah ah," Robin interrupted with a wag of her finger. "Zoro said he quit, and as this was a group activity that means the rest of his team withdraws from the challenge as well. Thus, we can now steal the card."

"Yeah, that's right!" Luffy exclaimed. "Good eye there, Robin!"

"You damned shitty swordsman!" Sanji sneered, aiming a kick right at the back of Zoro's head. Zoro had his sword out to block his foot in an instant. The stubborn swordsman and cantankerous cook were in a standoff.

Nami took a quick glance at the puzzle and grabbed her pen. "Now, watch a master at work!" The arrogance in her voice shifted Zoro's fury to her, while Sanji beef with Zoro was ancient history compare to the glee he got from watching his sexy navigator do what she did best. Nami easily drew through the complex pathway, making it look so simple that it might as well have been a straight line. While the orange-haired girl victoriously folded her arms, Luffy cheered and grabbed the card for the challenge to his team's side.

"Two cards!" he exclaimed.

"Hey Zoro, instead of trying to be a hero, just leave the puzzle solving to me," Usopp grumbled.

"Whatever!"

The Mossy Knoll sipped their wine while Robin picked up a card for the next challenge. "Artistry," she read.

"Yahoo, my specialty!" Usopp cheered.

" _Your_ specialty? I've been drawing maps practically all my life, I've got this in the bag," Nami boasted.

"'An artist from each team must draw a picture depicting the following word or phrase,'" Robin read. Nami and Usopp grabbed sheets of paper and intensely, competitively glared at each other.

Robin's brows furrowed in confusion as she read the description aloud. "A…striped tapeworm Cerberus…?"

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!" Nami screeched, nearly snapping her pen in half. The stupid, proud look on Usopp's face as he sat across from her made her want to grab that nose of his and pull it clean off.

Zoro gave Usopp a knowing smirk. "You wrote this one yourself and based it off one of your lies, didn't you?"

"That's right, and it presents quite the conundrum!" Usopp raised a questioning finger. "Is it a mythical Cerberus that just happens to look like a tapeworm, an animal with the body of a wolf but has three tapeworms for heads, or simply a tapeworm with three heads?"

"Well how am I supposed to draw something that only exists in your head?!"

"Wait, Nami," Luffy called, raising his hand to halt her. His eyes were wide open, seemingly staring off into the blank space. His expression was unreadable, which made Nami cringe. It was the look he always got when he was making up his mind about something too abstract for normal people. "I think it's real!"

"Goddammit, Luffy, now isn't the time for this!" Nami snapped.

"C'mon, Nami, where's your sense of adventure? Your imagination? We've seen all sorts of crazy stuff out at sea; what pirate would I be if I denied the existence of something so strange and interesting!" Luffy raised a determined fist in the air. Nami felt an intense pain at the bridge of her nose. "THE TAPEWORM CERBERUS IS OUT THERE! I just have to figure out what it looks like!"

The Mossy Knoll trio were snickering along with Robin. Usopp silently pumped his fists and got to drawing; that was the exact type of bizarre, abstract determination he was trying to evoke from Luffy in order to pull that off!

Luffy stole the blank paper from Nami and started sketching. He furrowed his brows in intense concentration, working his brain into overdrive in order to figure out the appearance of this mythical beast and then transmit it to paper. Nami hung her head in her hand and looked off to the side, basically conceding this card.

Luffy was the first one to finish drawing, and he proudly put his work of art on display for the other five to see. Sounds of snorts holding back laughter could be heard from the rest of the Straw Hat crew, confusing Luffy.

"It looks like a dick!" If Nami could, she would've bitten Luffy's head clean off for what could only politely be called a drawing. Luffy folded his arms and petulantly stared at the rest of the crew. It said draw a tapeworm Cerberus, and that's exactly what he did!

"Well, I think it looks good," Robin remarked, grinning from ear to ear.

"See, at least one person here can appreciate art!" Luffy said.

After putting in a couple of last touches, Usopp presented _his_ drawing, which was a true work of art. It was an intricately detailed drawing of a Cerberus, one that had the body of a wolf but had three rather unsettling worm-like heads spewing slime and bearing fangs serving as its heads. Luffy let out an excited gasp while Nami cringed.

"Now _there's_ a Tapeworm Cerberus! My card, please!"

"Whatever." Nami peevishly tossed the card at Usopp without even looking at him.

Sanji slapped artistically skilled liar on the back. "Good shit, Usopp, I knew your gift for deception would come through!"

"Please, please, you're too kind!" Usopp dismissed with his modest front. The Tangerine Gang took their first sip of wine since the initial toast. Usopp grabbed the next card from the box and cupped his chin for a few seconds. "Ah, a Chance card!"

"Chance…?" Sanji asked.

"It's random! It could be good, it could be bad – that's what makes it a chance! It's a wildcard!" Nami explained. She endearingly looked towards Luffy, seeing as how this card perfectly depicted her Captain's mindset most of the time.

"Hmm…'Take money from everyone at the table's pockets.'"

"WHAT?!" Nami leaped out from her chair. Her typically cute face was now frightening enough to give even Arlong a run for his money! "Who came up with _that_ shit?!"

"Meh, I've got enough booze here anyway." Zoro dumped a few coins out on the table. Nami dug her hands in her pockets but refused to release them, while Sanji lit up a cigarette and snickered to himself. Usopp glanced over at him.

"What are you doing, Sanji, you have to pay up, too! The card says _everyone_ ," Usopp directed.

"Let me see that card," Sanji demanded with narrowed eyes.

A bead of sweat trailed down Usopp's face while he raised his hand holding the card in the air. "Sorry, but uh…rules are rules!"

Barely even rising up, Sanji lifted his leg and kicked the card right out of Usopp's hand and gracefully swiped it into his own. He took a gander and slapped Usopp upside his head. "It says 'Steal the meat from the kitchen and hope Sanji doesn't catch you.'"

"I wrote that right before we started playing," Luffy confessed through a giggle.

"Looks like somebody just got caught cheating!" Nami said to her partner in crime. She smirked at her three opponents, knowing they were screwed.

Usopp stopped the clock and scowled at Sanji. "Dammit, we're on the same team!"

"Stupid cook…"

"I mean cheating's tolerated and accepted, and is damn near half the game, but you can't get caught!" The long-nosed liar whined. "If you do, the other team goes to the next level!"

Of course, Zoro wasn't going to spare Usopp of his wrath either. "Dumbass, of all the times you decided to cheat!"

"Oh c'mon, my lies worked just before this last one!" Usopp argued.

"In Sanji's defense, you _were_ trying to steal his money," Nami retorted, and as the crew's signature penny pincher she was always going to take the right side in a financial dispute.

"…and we only got one card," Sanji hissed.

"Whelp, it's too late for that, cuz we're going to Level Two!" Luffy shouted. He and Nami leaped out from their chairs and laughed at the losing party. Zoro winced; there it was again, the Captain and the Navigator bringing out the worst in each other.

* * *

 **Pre-Level 2 Break**

While Sanj, Usopp, and Zoro continued drinking wine, Luffy, Nami and Robin had moved up to beer bottles, which made Zoro envious. Luffy and Nami exchanged a knowing glance, which made Sanji raise his curly eyebrow. He decided to keep that in his back pocket for later.

"I guess since we're on a break, I can ask a question…" Sanji pondered.

"A question disguised as a statement…you're catching on pretty fast, Sanji!" Nami remarked. Sanji got those butterflies in his stomach and heart in his eyes again. "But yes, since the clock's stopped, you can ask any question you want. All rules are off and civility reigns."

Sanji regained his composure and remembered what was on his mind. "Well, since you guys advanced, do we advance as well?"

Luffy scratched the back of his head and laughed. "Oh yeah, that part's pretty confusing!"

Zoro shook his head and put his wine glass to the side. "Nami, Luffy, and Robin advanced to Level Two, so they need only two cards to make it to Level Three. We're still stuck on Level One."

"How bored were you guys when you came up with this shit?!" Sanji incredulously shouted. "All these damn rules and technicalities…!"

"Oh yeah, that's another thing – on Level Two, there is no profanity! So make sure those mouths are scrubbed clean!" Nami playfully explained.

Usopp's watch buzzed, signaling the end of the break. "It's time!" The six pirates tossed their alcohol down and once again engaged in tribal war dances. Sanji was still taken aback by the whole thing, but he participated to his best ability. Robin already had enough alcohol in her system to play along, though she kept making strange faces that made Chopper and Luffy fall over with laughter.

* * *

 **Level 2 (Body)**

"You flinch, you lose."

Luffy stood with his fists clenched tightly at his sides, his eyes intensely focused. The sword that had minimal distance from his face was occupying all of his attention. Zoro's glare was just as intense, and if an outsider didn't know any better, he would have thought the captain and first mate were prepared for a battle of life and death. Nami was giving Luffy an ice cold stare, looking directly into his eyes. She had utmost confidence, knowing Luffy wouldn't show a hint of fear.

Zoro's smirk turned murderous while he cocked his sword back. "Don't flinch!"

The former pirate hunter charged straight at the 100 Million-Berry rubber man, ignoring the terrified protests of Chopper. Leaping in the air, Zoro raised his sword over his head and jumped down with all of his strength, swinging the blade with enough velocity to topple hundreds of warriors. The sword stopped just centimeters short of Luffy's face.

And the Straw Hat Pirate hadn't moved an inch.

"Son of a…biscuit eating…Sea King!" Zoro spat before putting his sword back in his holster.

Sanji rudely shoved Zoro to the side and stood before Luffy. "Oh please, you guys have probably played enough times that Luffy knew you weren't gonna actually cut him anyway. Allow me to take care of this!"

Sanji crouched and swung his right leg back. "You snuck in a new card so you could try to steal our food, huh Luffy?" Luffy's eyes narrowed dangerously at Sanji, as did Nami's. Robin looked back and forth at her teammates, noticing the same bizarre synergy between them that Zoro had also seen.

"Well take this!" Sanji swung a fierce kick at Luffy, but like Zoro did, he opted not to hit him, instead blowing his leg clean in front of his face. The only thing that touched Luffy was the gust of wind caused by the speed of Sanji's leg.

And he still didn't flinch.

"Persnickety, he's too good at this!" Usopp bellowed. Luffy didn't fear anything, not even death, so what was a stupid little intimidation game to him? No, he had to actually get hit and react to it. Of course, since he was a rubber man, there was only so much a physical blow could do to him, but that wasn't a limitation that the Great Usopp the Brave couldn't overcome!

"This isn't over yet!" Usopp determined. He dug his hands in his trusty bookbag, retrieving his slingshot, a pellet…and Tabasco sauce! Sanji and Zoro smirked, knowing Luffy's history with ridiculously hot foods. Even Nami's cold stare gained just a hint of weariness. Luffy, on the other hand, was unfettered. He wasn't going to allow his game pieces to be smashed.

Usopp slid his signature goggles down over his eyes and doused the pellet with enough tabasco sauce to set even the most Sea King delicate meat in the seas ablaze. Carefully placing the pellet in the rope, Usopp pulled back and aimed straight at Luffy's mouth…

"USOPP SPECIAL ATTACK… **TABASCO STAR!"**

Luffy still didn't budge even as the smoking pellet ripped through the air and headed for his face. In fact, he opened his mouth to take the full force of the attack! Nami gasped and covered her mouth, fearing what her captain had gotten himself into. The sheer force of the pellet hitting the back of his throat sent Luffy's head flying back, but he kept his feet perfectly still and allowed his neck to stretch out a few feet. The sensation of the tabasco pellet touching the inside of his mouth damn near incinerated the Straw Hat boy's entire oral cavity, prompting steam to shoot out of his ears. His eyes pulsed with beet red veins and nearly bulged out his head. And yet, he was stifling the pain, even as it felt like a volcano was erupting in his mouth. Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Robin, Usopp, and Chopper were left bewildered when Luffy's checks puffed up…he wasn't about to swallow the Tabasco Star, was he?

…he did. To Luffy, spitting it out was the equivalent of flinching. The sight of the pellet sliding down Luffy's throat made the rest of the crew sans Robin drop their draws to the ground. When the pellet completed its journey to the pits of Luffy's stomach, another wave of intense pain surged throughout his body, yet the only thing he had to show for it were his red, pulsating eyes. He finally took a hoarse, scratchy breath.

"Gimme…the card…!" Luffy rasped.

"Holy schizoid…" was the only thing Sanji could muster up to say.

Now that the worst was over and a point was gained, Nami smiled wickedly at Luffy, marveling at his absurd pain tolerance. _That's my Luffy!_

Robin and Zoro took a gander at Nami again, both noting the strange admiration.

Now that the challenge was over and the card was on his side, Luffy doubled over and let out strained pants. "Gold-Roger-Darnit, you sure pack a lot of heat with that hot sauce star thingy, Usopp!"

"But it was all for naught!" Usopp whined as he packed his slingshot back up. "You're just too frickin' good, Luffy!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sanji dismissed, walking back to the table and grabbing a card again. "It's our turn again, so let's see…Chance, again? Beaver Dam!"

"What's it say?" Usopp asked.

"Whoever reads this card will be…tied up and his team skips a turn?! That's bullshit!" Sanji was furious, but then his throat tightened when he realized what he had just done.

"Oooh, he cursed!" Luffy chastised while pointing at Sanji. Chopper was trying to administer him some cold fluids to help his throat but Luffy completely blew him off to laugh at Sanji and prepare his punishment.

"You friggin' idiot, now you got us a penalty!" Zoro said. The fact that they had to drink wasn't exactly bad, but it was still a setback, which was what counted, dammit!

"Okay, fine, I screwed up! Let's just drink for five seconds!" Sanji angrily snatched his cup from the table.

"Oh, not quite," Nami interrupted. "Y'see, since we're on Level Two, you drink on our terms and we can count you down as long as we want! Now grab a beer bottle!"

The Mossy Knoll did as instructed and began chugging their beer while Nami very… _slowly…._ counted them down.

"Oooooooooooooooooone….twooooooooooooooooooooo….threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuur…and fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive."

Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji had drank enough to now be sufficiently buzzed as the beer began circulating through their systems. Usopp sloppily dropped his bottle to the floor and took a few staggered steps back. Zoro, on the other hand, let out a contented sigh. That was what he was playing for, after all.

Sanji on the other hand didn't share Zoro's sentiments and tossed his bottle into the ocean behind him. "I hate this stupid game!"

"Well that's just too bad, Sanji. You're gonna have to watch the next round all tied up anyway." Nami had one hand on her waist and the other one was holding a rope. Her naughty smirk and the prospect of what was about to happen washed away all of Sanji's rage. It was a fantasy come true.

"Wait I take it back, I love this game!" Nami rolled her eyes and clobbered Sanji right on the head to knock him loopy enough that he wouldn't be able to enjoy being tied up by her. She wrapped the rope around his arms and entire torso, making him fall down in a heap.

"Do I have to spend the entire game like this now?!"

"Nope, there's a way out but you're not gonna like it!" Luffy said, smiling and having forgotten the pain of the Tabasco Star. He stretched his arm out over the ship's deck and dug it into the ocean, fidgeting it around as he tried to get a grip for something. He smiled happily when he finally got something in his grasp. "You just gotta eat…"

Luffy pulled his arm back in and waved a grotesque fish in Sanji's face. It was flopping around, sprinkling water onto the crew. "….This fish!"

Sanji had to hold back the bile that was rising to his throat. The fish was rife with scales and a disgusting, teethy mouth. And that was to say nothing of its size, which nearly exceeded Luffy's entire arm!

"Well who the hell's gonna cook that thing?!" Sanji protested.

"We don't!" Luffy replied.

"I have to eat that RAW?!"

Chopper groaned and went back inside the ship. He was clearly going to need more than bandages and ibuprofen for this depraved game…

"Sorry, rules are rules!" Nami shrugged while Luffy tossed the fish far too close to Sanji's face for the cook's liking. The foul odor the fish was emitting, along with its perpetual flopping, made Sanji want to blow chunks all over the Going Merry. Nami also tossed the Rulebook towards Sanji's legs. "You might want to brush up on them a bit, too."

Usopp warily drank his wine while watching Sanji ignore the fish and turn the pages of the binder with his feet. This was exactly what he feared about the game. Once enough alcohol was in their system, all bets were off and there was no telling what kind of crazy, dangerous nonsense the crew would be willing to subject themselves to. Combine that with Nami and Luffy's psychotic competitive drive and you had a recipe for disaster!

Nami grabbed another card from the bucket. "Let's see…physical challenge: Wack-a-Mole! First to spot the mole and smash it down wins!"

Usopp's tepidness gave way to excitement. "Oh yeah! This is my game, and if we win the challenge, we automatically reach Level Two and get a card!" He dug in a bag underneath the table and laid a board on top of it. The board had 18 holes laid out 3x6 in it, and a switch on each of its sides.

"I can handle this one," Robin said, stepping in front of the table. Usopp was facing her at the other end of the table and had his arms folded in pre-emptive victory. Not to disrespect Robin, but Luffy and Nami were getting too cute by not sending the fastest and strongest member of their team for this game. He grabbed his retractable Usopp Hammer™ from his bag, placing it carefully over the board. Their hubris was going to be their undoing!

Well, until Robin crossed her arms and sprouted 18 hands all over the board, at least.

"Hey wait, that's not fair at all!" Zoro growled. "Usopp can't compete with that many arms!"

"The rules of the game _were_ written before I joined your crew, and therefore don't account for people capable of naturally sprouting multiple limbs. There's nothing that says I _can't_ do it," she said with a mischievous smile.

"Not you too, Robin!" The vein in Zoro's temple was about to burst out of his skin.

Usopp was shellshocked by the turn of events, but his confidence hadn't wavered. _Loophole with me, will you? Well the Great Captain Usopp is always a step ahead!_ The long-nosed master of deception looked up to make sure that nobody on the opposition could see him and set his fingers on a dial at the side of the board. Usopp had built this game himself and rigged it so that he could dictate the exact hole that the mole popped up from. Sure, Robin may have had the limb advantage, but she would be just a step too slow while Usopp was already prepared to whack its exact location!

"Uh….Usopp…" Sanji stammered from the floor. However, Luffy cut him off, telling him to shut up and spilling his beer in his face when he swung his arm out.

"BEGIN!" Nami shouted.

Usopp pressed the button and then switched the dial to the hole closest to him. It had a three second delay to make sure Usopp was prepared. He cocked his hammer back, and was already preparing his swinging motion...

….but then one of Robin's hands smashed the electronic mole.

That popped up on the side opposite to where Usopp set it.

"B-but how?!" Usopp squawked.

Robin giggled as an arm that was sticking out from the side of the board raised its hands to bring itself in Usopp's sight. "I thought this little number dial here was peculiar, so I figured it was something that would help you exploit the board design and simply set it to sprout the mole from one of my holes instead!"

Usopp sank to his knees. "Hoist by my own petard!" he shuddered. Curse his preparation! He had put the dial on both smaller sides of the board so he could do it from whichever side he was standing on.

Nami snatched the card and put it in a pile. "Robin wins!"

"Which means we move on to Level Three!" Luffy's shot his fists into the air. Nami grabbed her and Luffy's pieces and moved them to the third circle on the game board.

"Screw this stupid game!" Zoro growled and marched to the stand holding the game board. Well, stumbled would be the appropriate word, and then he kicked the board down with all of his might. It wouldn't budge, of course. Zoro kept feverishly kicking it while Nami and Luffy turned their attention away from laughing at Usopp and instead callously pointed at Zoro like schoolchildren, mocking him because the table was still bound to the floor!

* * *

 **Pre-Level 3 Break**

Luffy, Nami and Robin were behaving strangely, as their backs were turned to the other competitors and it seemed like they were huddled up. Nami and Luffy made the occasional weary glance behind them. Zoro and Usuopp were downing some wine bottles and sulking over their lack of success. Sanji was free from the ropes and had shed his blazer, seeing as how his mouth and vest were stained with vomit and spit, as he'd swallowed the gross fish whole. He was woozy, inebriated, nauseous, and utterly sick of this dumb game. However, he had an ace-in-the-hole.

"G-guys, I have a plan," Sanji panted. "While I was stuck there and reading the rule book, I discovered something pretty interesting…."

"Oh save it, we're screwed anyway," Zoro interrupted over a belch. "They're tailor-made for Level 3. We all know that rubber bastard has no concept of shame whatsoever, so there's no embarrassing him. Nami's the same way, the money-hungry witch. _Maybe_ we can get Robin, but she's way too composed."

Nami and Luffy wobbled to the table, nearly tripping over their own legs several times and sporting glazed over, faraway eyes. They were completely wasted now, having gone through every stage of alcohol.

"H-hey guys….let's get ready for level 3…we're gonna kick….kick your asses," Luffy slurred. Robin had her arms folded and couldn't stop laughing.

"You're g-goin' down….!" Nami added. She and Luffy did their tribal war dances again. Well, by then it was more like waddling back and forth while looking like they were having a painful ordeal on the toilet, but you get the point.

* * *

 **Level 3 (Spirit)**

The four were once again seated at the makeshift table. Nami was slumped in her chair, wildly swinging her glass of liquor around. "Y'know, I hope you guys pick so-somethin' good and humiliating," she belched out between hiccups. "I drag you morons with me so it's like…I'm embarrassed, like…all the time…? So I hope we do that…this game…yeah…."

While it betrayed his instincts and good manners, Sanji lifted his glass and suddenly dropped it, letting the wine spill all over the table. "Whoops, looks like I broke another rule!"

Usopp and Zoro were left incredulous by how Sanji was sabotaging them like this. "Sanji, what the heck are you doing?! WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM!" Usopp shouted.

"It's probably not even a rule, anyway!" Zoro complained.

"Now, now, give the Cook a chance to speak," Robin said.

"Thank you Robin!" Sanji beamed before slamming the binder of rules on the table. He opened it up and shuffled through the vast amounts of paper, ignoring the violent protests of his teammates. "Y'see, rule number 237: if a player spills his or her drink, his or her team must chug the opponent's drinks!"

Luffy and Nami were suddenly completely stone-faced and serious, not showing a hint of their inebriation. They nervously eyed each other and attempted to deter Sanji. "Who cares, it isn't even a big deal," Luffy dismissed.

"Y-yeah, and you guys are on Level 1 anyway! You can't drink hard alcohol…" Nami stammered.

"No, I think you guys are up to another one of your tricks, probably trying to find a new angle for another stupid rule next time we play!" Usopp snatched Nami and Luffy's glasses from their end of the table. "We shall play the game as it was written!"

He and Zoro chugged their glasses down…and it tasted like...

"Water!" Usopp shouted. "This is _water!_ "

Sanji sprang up from the table, sporting a victorious smirk. "GOTCHA! I knew something was up! Shouldn't have thrown your beer in my face, Luffy!"

Luffy and Nami petulantly huffed and dropped their drunken charade. Nami was glaring at Luffy, who sunk his head into his hand. Zoro and Usopp jumped up, and now they were doing the pointing, labeling the Tangerine Gang for the dirty cheaters they were.

"Son of a jackhammer!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Motherfudgepackers, you guys caught us cheating," Nami deadpanned. "It only took you guys _seven_ tries to figure out that we've actually been mostly sober."

"And as rule 18 states, if the team ahead gets caught cheating, the other team jumps to their level!" Sanji fell back into his chair and smugly reclined his feet the edge of the table.

"LEVEL THREE!" Usopp boldly shouted into the skies.

"Bout time you were good for somethin', Love-Cook!" Zoro praised. He and Usopp grabbed their pieces and slammed them down onto the third circle on the game board.

Sanji's smug smirk gave way to a goofy, love-infected smile. "But don't worry, dear Nami and Robin, I forgive you for cheating! There's nothing I admire more than women who will stop at nothing to get what they want!"

"Zoro and I have never gotten to that level before, so this is new ground!" Usopp cheered. "All we have to do is win one challenge, and the game is ours! And with a brave warrior of the sea such as myself, a badass swordsman like Zoro, and a composed, well-tempered chef like Sanji, there's no way we'll succumb to the clutches of embarrassment!"

"Better enjoy those dolls of yours while you still can," Zoro arrogantly warned.

Nami dangerously narrowed her eyes at Zoro while Usopp merrily grabbed a card from the box. Unfortunately, his joyful cheers died at the seams when he read the challenge laid out on the card.

"O-oh crap…."

"What is it?" Zoro hesitantly asked. He was starting to get a little nervous about whatever depraved crap they wrote up for the Level Three challenges.

Usopp found just enough composure to read the card. "E-embarrassment Challenge: One member from each team must…"

The rest of the Straw Hats leaned closer to Usopp, waiting for him to spit it out already.

"…KISS THEIR TEAMMATE FOR ONE MINUTE!"

Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp hearts almost stopped as pure terror enveloped all three of them. They could only stand still, shuddering nervously while their eyes were painfully wide open. _Oh no_ … was the phrase that rang through all of their heads, especially when they saw the gender situation of their opponents.

Robin subtly scooted her chair away from her other two teammates. Luffy didn't see what the big deal was, but he did laugh at how terrified it made Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp.

Nami smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Oh well, you gotta do what ya gotta do!" After all, she was the one who wrote that particular challenge in the first place. What better, more fool-proof method was there to screw over Zoro and Usopp in an embarrassment challenge, anyway?

Okay, so maybe it didn't need the one-minute part, but she had to have her fun from time to time too.

Nami stood up and looked over at her teammate. "Get up, Luffy."

As Luffy got to his feet, Sanji's horror hit him two-fold. Nevermind having to kiss a guy for this stupid game, was he really about to watch his sweet, beautiful Nami sully her lips with that crass, dimwitted lughead?! Surely there was a loophole for this, right?

Luffy and Nami turned to face each other. Nami awkwardly cleared her throat while Luffy's arms were folded. He arched a confused eyebrow as he kept pondering the big deal about this kissing business. However, as Nami closed the distance between the two and he saw the look in her eyes (it was like his when Sanji cooked!), the foreign feeling it brought to his stomach dropped a few hints as to why. And if that wasn't enough, when Nami slowly ran her hands up his shoulders and around his neck, he started sweating and his eyes billowed up. _Wait, no, that means I'm embarrassed!_ Luffy said to himself before making a comically serious glare.

Nami laughed at how flustered Luffy suddenly became, especially once she pressed herself against him. By that point, she'd tuned out Sanji's rising objections.

"Are you ready, Luffy?" she faintly whispered against his mouth, and the tangerine flavor of her breath was enough to melt the Captain's resistance. Nami boldly pressed her lips against his. Even she had to stop herself from blushing. And it became a lot tougher to do when Luffy actually returned the kiss.

Sanji was madly squeezing his hair at his sides as he watched the display before him. His mind was working a mile a minute in order to rationalize this. It was all a game, after all! The challenge was to kiss her teammate, and she clearly wanted to win the game and protect her precious dolls. It was business, and that was it. Wait a sec…why was she sliding her tongue in his mouth for a mere business kiss…? And what was Luffy's arm doing around her waist…? For a business kiss, it sure seemed sloppy…

Zoro grabbed Sanji's arm when he saw him getting ready to kick Luffy's head off and awkwardly cleared his throat. "Alright, it's been well over a minute! Get a friggin' room otherwise…."

Nami and Luffy were a little hesitant to break the kiss off, only parting ways when the trail of saliva they left split in two.

"Whoa," Luffy said, breathlessly.

Nami remembered the game and composed herself immediately, turning to face her stunned opponents with a bold smirk. "Boys, I'm not embarrassed in the slightest!"

"Can we do that aga-" Nami elbowed Luffy in the stomach "OW!"

The three members of the Mossy Knoll had lumps in their throats that probably put the One Piece itself to shame. Usopp staggered back, his teeth chattering.

"Uh, I've suddenly come down with a crippling bout of 'I can't kiss a guy' disease! I require immediate treatment from Chopper!" Usopp jumped away from the scene and gave his two cohorts a thumbs-up. "Well, Zoro, Sanji, it's up to you guys!"

Zoro and Sanji looked at each other with their mouths shuddering. The horror of Luffy and Nami kissing was the furthest thing from their minds. Not only did they have to hold back their utter embarrassment, but the urge to vomit was making a bitch of a journey to their throats.

Truth be told, Nami was still coming down from her kiss with Luffy, but she still had a clear enough head to delight from the torture etched on the faces of Zoro and Sanji. This was exactly what she wrote the challenge for. Well, partially. She maddeningly pointed at the imaginary watch on her wrist. "Tick, tock, tick tock. You boys better pucker up!"

All eyes were on them. The Swordsman and Cook furiously shook their heads. They had come too far in this game to get hit with this right when they saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Every time they looked at each other, their embarrassment and childish hatred of each other flared up a little bit. Were they really about to do _this_ over a game…?

The answer came about a minute later, when Luffy and Nami were merrily smashing the ninja action figures beneath their feet. Chopper was just relieved there were no serious injuries. Usopp was on his knees and wailing to the heavens, while Sanji and Zoro had their arms folded and veins pulsing in their foreheads. The two ventured that smashed up action figures were an extremely reasonable trade-off for never having to do that disgusting act. But _damn_ , was watching Luffy and Nami destroy their toys with such vigor so annoying.

Nami and Luffy's infuriating laughter rang through the air. They finally relinquished their assault once they saw an arm snap off.

"Man, that felt good!" Luffy yelled. He and Nami slapped hands and gave each other props on yet another job well done in _NamiSopp LuffOro._

"That game was actually fun!" Robin remarked.

Nami turned around and made that evil smirk to the bewildered trio. " _Losers!_ "

Usopp shrugged and gave Zoro and Sanji some good natured slaps on their shoulders. "Don't worry guys, we'll get 'em next time!" The death glares he received in return was all he needed to see to run off in fear after the rest of the crew as they headed back in sky. Luffy seemed to be bugging Nami.

"Hey Nami, can we do that again?"

"Shut up!"

* * *

 **So that's it! What'd you guys think? I've never written anything One Piece related so I hope I did the characters justice. I might write a post-timeskip version of the game too if I can muster up the motivation!**


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